The in-between

I’ve been wanting to write about the magnificent space in-between for a long time. I have been waiting to feel ready for it, but I realized today that I will never be. So here goes nothing.

The space, state, time, whatever you want to call it, of the quality of existing in-between is incredibly complex to me. It also feels like it holds a secret of sorts. One can easily think of tangible and transactional examples of how this materializes in everyday life: in-between jobs, waiting to cross a street, hungry but not yet time to eat, moving homes, a painting waiting to be finished, a break from dating… and then something magical happens where you realize that the more you think of examples, the more you understand that every single micro event in your life is somewhat an in-between state of existence.

I know what you are thinking - this in and of itself is not a big finding. I agree, it’s not a big finding if you think of it in the traditional sense of time progression. A state is replaced by the next state and so on until we die. And we seek the next stage in order to satisfy a particular need.

But what if, you park time for second (pun intended) and think of the in-between as a state of existence that is observed and that is not necessarily leading into the next stage? What if we are able to think about this as the actual objective of being, as the most important state of all?

I’ve been taught all my life that action is good. Movement and decisions are great. Inaction is lazy or worse, it’s a sign of lack of courage. So when I started to experience situations where more effort was not the answer or bulldozing through a wall of challenges actually backfired, I was left with not knowing what to do. This was actually ‘When things fell apart’.

This book ‘When things fall apart’, by Pema Chodron, got me thinking about ‘the path being the goal’ in a different way. In a more raw and exposed way. The author, who is a Buddhist nun, provides a multitude of tools and very beautifully articulated ideas that support the reader in navigating whatever may be the big things that fell apart, but it wasn’t that that unblocked me. What unblocked me wasn’t even the understanding that only in chaos, can order appear, that only in the unknown, can a discovery be made, that only in vulnerability, can truth be said. It wasn’t even that. It was the realization that I dreaded that space. I feared it.

Every day, I would come down hard on myself and punish myself with unkind thoughts and emotions because of my inability to make a given decision. How is this possible? Why is this so difficult? Where is my courage? The ability to simply sit with something - to look at it straight in the eye, as if you are facing a beast and feeling its breath on your face, and simply staying still, is almost impossible. Almost.

For me, what ultimately allows me to feel that breath on my face and sit still, is the believe that all the right decisions are already made. And they will happen, sooner or later. Everything that is our path is already here.

We do have free-will and it’s the choice on how difficult the path needs to be or how long we feel it should take. So bottom line, it’s never about the content of the decision as much as it is about the timing of it. If you choose to run from what you intuitively know has to happen, it will catch up, sooner or later, regardless of the alternate decision you take.

So learning to sit with that beast until the breath settles will allow you to see its face. Will allow you to listen carefully to your intuition and have your yang energy and brain take a back seat.

What you find in this space is quite surprising… You will find that the beasts face is a beautiful kind smiley looking one.