Not all pain is created equal
Not all pain is created equal. This sentence was said to me last week amid an open-hearted conversation about pain with a friend. He was inspired and got me grasping for air with this one.
We know that pain is subjective and has different types, from physical to emotional. We also seem to all be accepting that pain is a constant in life – not meaning to sound like a drag, but pain is present in a good chunk of our lives, if not every day, in some shape or form.
It's all very painfully clear.
What I hadn’t realized was that pain also seems to have this innate quality of persistence – when you feel it, you can’t process that it is temporary. There is no before, and there is no after. It just is. And against all you can muster, it seems to be your new state forever.
It is like it can suspend you in some state of code error – the system might continue to function, but something is very wrong and demands your full attention.
At least, this is how pain tends to feel to me.
Then, the sentence – not all pain is created equal.
One of the types of pains we experience is, in fact, growing pains. Growing pains are not only confirmed temporary, but they are also the type of pain you want to be in.
I don’t think pain can be avoided – you will have to experience it sooner or later as a result of your decisions, external events, or, let’s face it, simply aging. I would argue that aging is a growing pain. You are on the path of becoming you, of having lived a hopefully wholesome life, and you are treading towards your higher self.
On the types of pain that come from choices: these are the ones where we have some agency. The pain of accepting a situation that is less than ideal, where you not only know you are unhappy but that it will worsen. The pain that comes from deciding on things that you know are harmful for you, but you desperately want to make work or get that immediate gratification. Pain that comes from attempting to avoid pain. This is not a good type of pain because it leads you nowhere. You are in fact stuck.
But then, there are growing pains. These are the ones that come from the decisions that are usually the most painful upfront, but you know they are for your greater good in the long run. You know that they are transformative in their nature and that they are part of your becoming. You know, something new is in the making that is coming from the painful experience of cutting something off. You are choosing discomfort today, but you know in your heart that this is exactly what you must do.
I'll say though, that sometimes the hardest part is actually to hear the heart. To understand what the path is, which contains the growing pains versus just pure certain misery. And it is not easy, as sometimes and arguably the biggest decisions and changes we make in life are just a knowing of sorts. And not unusual that it will go against expectations of others. I think here the following quote applies well as guidance: “uncertainty over certain misery.”
I will do this mental check from now on whenever I’m stuck in a state of pain – is this bad pain or growing pains? Am I following the path with heart, or choosing what is comfortable, even if miserable? If it is bad pain, something needs to change. If it is growing pains, well, I’d best just go grab myself a nice cup of coffee.
